Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Very First Wedding!!

The inference that almost any average mortal would draw from the extremely corny title is that I’ve been married off. Well no people, the phenomenon is yet to happen! This blogpost is-stock and barrel-dedicated to the wedding of one of my classmates’ sibling. What makes me have vested interest in this is the statistic that this one’s been officially my 1st wedding post-college. And here it is in paper and ink (err...MS word), every minuscule detail and every other trivial facet that miserably failed to escape the scrutiny of my prying eyes.

Without further ado, let me edify the readers on the pre-marriage, post-invitation saga that happened at home (to be read as: my mind-numbingly pathetic, lame and desperate attempts at procuring permission to attend the ceremony).

I prefer to narrate the conversation in movie script format to etch into the minds of my (imaginary) fans-who have been desperate to read a blogpost of mine for the past so many months and are probably shedding tears of joy at this piece I’ve finally managed to eject, thankyouverymuch-the tension in the room which was almost palpable (well not that palpable, may be.Hey I’m the author, so the masala is to my proportion!)

Achan: Enna kalyanam?

Me: (ok simple enough) 3rd June

Amma: Evede vecha?

Me: Kallambalam…

Here comes the first salvo, which resulted in me suffering a near cardiac arrest

Amma: (Virtually horrified, mortified and stupefied at my gall, asking permission for a place which was remotely unheard of and supposedly on another planet as per her GPS)

At voice pitching to certain decibels above normal: KALLAMBALAM!!?Engane pogana udesham??!

Me: Friends ellavarum train...So njanum…

OK now whatever succeeded this dialogue is a story per se and tooooooo long to be penned in here. So to cut a long story short, after a couple more nuclear holocausts and my blinking away to glory for several more excruciatingly painful minutes of the interrogating session, they finally decided to let me go by BUS and made me swear I shall keep them updated by running commentary.Phew,done and done!

And now 3rd June finally! The wee hours of the morning saw me ‘rise and shine’ from bed (ha! My blog again) which was followed by frenetic activity ultimately resulting in my standing rain drenched, saddled with my Fastrack (mentioning Fastrack in here is totally unnecessary. But since I’m the shameless opportunist that I’m and since I like to flaunt my materialistic possessions, I have the thick skin to mention it here) at Thampanoor bus stop anticipating my buds to turn up any minute! Ultimately they did show up and we embarked on our journey.En route, two more pals popped into the same bus and we went ahead, group of five!

Now none of us, had an iota of knowledge on the muhurtham for the ceremony and had gone on board simply to fulfill the main agenda of attending any wedding which is to be expounded in the latter half of the blog (keep the patience).No longer than 30 minutes into the journey that we received text message from a friend at the auditorium that the nuptial knot had been tied! What a waste of shelling out 26 bucks per head for the FP!*sigh*

But still, the aforementioned agenda kept us upbeat!

Alighting at the Kallambalam bus station, we made a beeline for the Jagee Auditorium (weird name for a hall, I felt) and insinuated ourselves through the milling crowd at the portico and hit the inside! Rest of S4 EEE could be spotted in the hall engaged in light-hearted banter with some of the female shutterbugs involved in rampant photo-sessions! On the stage could be perceived the bride and bridegroom along with a plethora of relatives ranging from uncles, aunts, grandpas, grandmas, sisters, brothers, aunt’s sister’s in-laws, uncle’s maternal grandpa’s niece’s children et al.

Now coming to the agenda part of it. The agenda is dominated by the following 2 motives:

  1. The food: Who’s getting married, time of the wedding et cetera is of trivial importance to the high profile people like us (shallow shallow I know) who’s sole objective is to sink their fingers and teeth into the masterpiece of mallu-land The Sadya.

The one thing which I totally hate about these wedding sadyas is the behavior of the hoi polloi! Firstly, the grey-haired old fart-right across from you-has to look and smile smugly only when you’re trying to borrow something from your neighbor’s leaf or the video-dude has to thrust the camera into your mouth only when you’re pigging away to glory and licking the last drops of payasam off the leaf, oblivious to the surroundings!

2. The hunt for the Tall Dark Handsome specimen never ceases be it wedding, temple or trains! Yes, being the shameless opportunist that I’m (again), I continued on my expedition undeterred. Sadly enough, there were no such samples in there. The only criterion that the men met was the dark one-a rather rich shade of charcoal (Not that I’m quite a catch.Still, that doesn’t prevent me from doing what every body else in the breed is doing) Never mind. The food did offer some solace. And no offence!

After an outrageously animated photo session with the couple, in the course of which I must have closed my eyes tight shut during all the clicks amidst the blinding lights and managed to give my popular ear-to-ear grins, we headed for the sadya, details of which you’ve already gone through. At the end of a satiating feast and the collective let go of burps, the motley group headed for a mutual friend’s place which was nearby.

At the end of a wayward plundering session at the friend’s place, every one of the coterie headed their own way, females toward the bus stand and the men towards the Varkala beach. One of the males even claimed to have spotted a topless beauty in there. Whether the info is authentic, is left to the reader’s liberty. In a nutshell, that was one awesome trip and hopefully, looking out for more of the kind in future! Not to mention the fact that all of us slept like pigs on the way back, head lolling side to side, mouths wide open and the occasional grunts.

Thank you, if you managed to survive till the end!


  1. Very engaging read, your language style and absolutely love your sense of humor! I could relate to the bit about the videographer catching you just when you've got your mouth wide open, either drinking or eating something! But can't relate to the love for sadya...nope nope...of course if sometime in the future they deign to serve a nice crisply fried spicy leg of chicken alongside the sadya, I just might change my mind!

  2. haha love the chicken part!chicken aficionado till the last breath!;) n thanks for the compliment!!:)

  3. Wow! This post is pretty awesome.You've narrated it so nicely!I hope you've enjoyed the very first wedding to the core.Had I been there in that auspicious day,I would have gobbled up the whole Sadya to my heart's content and licked my finger.hhahha ! And when I am saying this,don't think that I am a gourmand.I am not.Anyway,you've nicely adored every part and I appreciate your kind of breakthrough expressions.I am happy to know that you're a malayali,which is evident in the profile,who resides in TVM.So am I.I live in KTM.

  4. It's a well-known fact that people go to weddings only to eat the food and check out the chaakara (pardon the crass lingo. That's how my friend and I used to refer to guys in college. :p) The only ones who care are the parents of the bride and groom. Not even the bride and groom, because they're just so tired five minutes into the ceremony.
    And one of my dreams in life is to punch the face of a videographer who comes with his camera right when I'm borrowing something from someone else's leaf. Punch his face and take a videoof it.Ha! Now THAT, would be sweet revenge.

    Great post. :) You really should make an effort to post more often.

  5. @Spaceman Spiff Hello,why do u want to punch the face of a videographer?He's doing his job.What's wrong with that?Why would you care that so much? Let him take the photo!He's taking the photo and we are enjoying the grub.You're exaggerating yourself simply by saying this.It'd be great for me if someone took a photo while I'm borrowing something from someone's leaf for the videographer would think, the guy'v got such a guts!Nothing to get embarrassed and feel shy abt that !

  6. Of course I'm exaggerating. Du-uh! And shyness and embarrassment are both very relative concepts. To each his own. So let it go, Mr. Franklin Joseph. :) Congrats on your thick-skin, by the way. Bravo!

  7. @Spaceman spiff:Thank you for reading :) and yeah will definitely take more effort to post often!

    @Franklin Joseph: Thanks again! :)