The inference that almost any average mortal would draw from the extremely corny title is that I’ve been married off. Well no people, the phenomenon is yet to happen! This blogpost is-stock and barrel-dedicated to the wedding of one of my classmates’ sibling. What makes me have vested interest in this is the statistic that this one’s been officially my 1st wedding post-college. And here it is in paper and ink (err...MS word), every minuscule detail and every other trivial facet that miserably failed to escape the scrutiny of my prying eyes.
Without further ado, let me edify the readers on the pre-marriage, post-invitation saga that happened at home (to be read as: my mind-numbingly pathetic, lame and desperate attempts at procuring permission to attend the ceremony).
I prefer to narrate the conversation in movie script format to etch into the minds of my (imaginary) fans-who have been desperate to read a blogpost of mine for the past so many months and are probably shedding tears of joy at this piece I’ve finally managed to eject, thankyouverymuch-the tension in the room which was almost palpable (well not that palpable, may be.Hey I’m the author, so the masala is to my proportion!)
Achan: Enna kalyanam?
Me: (ok simple enough) 3rd June
Amma: Evede vecha?
Here comes the first salvo, which resulted in me suffering a near cardiac arrest
Amma: (Virtually horrified, mortified and stupefied at my gall, asking permission for a place which was remotely unheard of and supposedly on another planet as per her GPS)
At voice pitching to certain decibels above normal: KALLAMBALAM!!?Engane pogana udesham??!
Me: Friends ellavarum train...So njanum…
OK now whatever succeeded this dialogue is a story per se and tooooooo long to be penned in here. So to cut a long story short, after a couple more nuclear holocausts and my blinking away to glory for several more excruciatingly painful minutes of the interrogating session, they finally decided to let me go by BUS and made me swear I shall keep them updated by running commentary.Phew,done and done!
And now 3rd June finally! The wee hours of the morning saw me ‘rise and shine’ from bed (ha! My blog again) which was followed by frenetic activity ultimately resulting in my standing rain drenched, saddled with my Fastrack (mentioning Fastrack in here is totally unnecessary. But since I’m the shameless opportunist that I’m and since I like to flaunt my materialistic possessions, I have the thick skin to mention it here) at Thampanoor bus stop anticipating my buds to turn up any minute! Ultimately they did show up and we embarked on our journey.En route, two more pals popped into the same bus and we went ahead, group of five!
Now none of us, had an iota of knowledge on the muhurtham for the ceremony and had gone on board simply to fulfill the main agenda of attending any wedding which is to be expounded in the latter half of the blog (keep the patience).No longer than 30 minutes into the journey that we received text message from a friend at the auditorium that the nuptial knot had been tied! What a waste of shelling out 26 bucks per head for the FP!*sigh*
But still, the aforementioned agenda kept us upbeat!
Alighting at the Kallambalam bus station, we made a beeline for the Jagee Auditorium (weird name for a hall, I felt) and insinuated ourselves through the milling crowd at the portico and hit the inside! Rest of S4 EEE could be spotted in the hall engaged in light-hearted banter with some of the female shutterbugs involved in rampant photo-sessions! On the stage could be perceived the bride and bridegroom along with a plethora of relatives ranging from uncles, aunts, grandpas, grandmas, sisters, brothers, aunt’s sister’s in-laws, uncle’s maternal grandpa’s niece’s children et al.
Now coming to the agenda part of it. The agenda is dominated by the following 2 motives:
- The food: Who’s getting married, time of the wedding et cetera is of trivial importance to the high profile people like us (shallow shallow I know) who’s sole objective is to sink their fingers and teeth into the masterpiece of mallu-land The Sadya.
The one thing which I totally hate about these wedding sadyas is the behavior of the hoi polloi! Firstly, the grey-haired old fart-right across from you-has to look and smile smugly only when you’re trying to borrow something from your neighbor’s leaf or the video-dude has to thrust the camera into your mouth only when you’re pigging away to glory and licking the last drops of payasam off the leaf, oblivious to the surroundings!
2. The hunt for the Tall Dark Handsome specimen never ceases be it wedding, temple or trains! Yes, being the shameless opportunist that I’m (again), I continued on my expedition undeterred. Sadly enough, there were no such samples in there. The only criterion that the men met was the dark one-a rather rich shade of charcoal (Not that I’m quite a catch.Still, that doesn’t prevent me from doing what every body else in the breed is doing) Never mind. The food did offer some solace. And no offence!
Thank you, if you managed to survive till the end!